No. No, I am not “ok” or even “going to be ok” or anything remotely close.
But I don’t tell you that. I don’t tell anyone that. I say something else. Something that only the kind of “you” that asks that question would understand as total bullshit. You know I’m not ok. That’s why you asked.
I want to be ok, but the truth is that I’m not. I’m trying. I will try. I keep trying. I know tomorrow I might be a little more ok than I am today. Or I might just be a little less ok. Hell, I might even be a whole lot less ok. But…I may be a whole lot more ok.
Who the hell knows? I might be ok in another minute or two. Or…damn…I might just be gone. Who knows?
I believe my God knows. That keeps me going. That gives me hope. He has never failed me. You don’t have to believe that. It might even make me “insane” to believe that. It might be dangerous for me to believe that. I might lose everything for believing that. Some lose their lives for believing that. They are the faithful and blessed.
I am blessed, so ok is irrelevant to me. If I’m ok, then great. If I’m not ok, then I know there’s something already in the works to make me ok.
Light can certainly penetrate the darkness, but most people fail to consider the ability of the darkness to penetrate the light. Even in the brightest of places in our lives…darkness will exist. It can take root. If not tended properly…it might flourish. Weed it out.
End of story.
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