Depression…Losing the Battle but Winning the War

depression battleSometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war

D Trump

About a month ago I was forced to accept something which mentally went against the grain

I have suffered from depression for many years but I am one of the lucky ones as I have been though hell and back and am still alive to tell the tale.

This does not mean that I have all the answers, and it certainly does not mean that I am “cured”, but at least I have been able, with the assistance of others around me, to develop a survival and coping strategy that serves me well when the dark days return.

One of the fundamental elements with such a strategy has been to build an inner structural support mechanism which I can always turn to so as to not slip back to far. For say years it has been of great service, but I have recently had to give ground back to the illness and reassess a better way forward over the years to come.

So it is that I have lost a recent battle with my illness, but all is not lost, for, if I am lucky, such a loss may well enable me to deal better with, if not win, the war.

What was the war and what was the battle , well quite simply depression, and how I dealt with it when I found myself all alone. In essence my wife’s work shifts roughly mirrored mine, up until recently, but Monday afternoons and mid evenings have always been a problem, for that is when I find myself alone. I have tried all the normal tricks of keeping myself busy, going out for some fresh air, of hiding under the duvet, but as many a depressive will know, such tricks are of little use when your inner demons or ghosts return.

For may years I have been dealing with this as best as I can, but seeing a recent deterioration in my condition, my wife, through her own volition changed her shift pattern to more resemble mine. The result is that though slightly bruised and battered, such episodes are virtual history, but such a resolution left me with a curious taste on my tongue

Part of me welcomed such a resolution, but another part of me, the much darker part, had very different views.

“Won’t cope can’t cope and failed again,”

that is what my darker side began whispering

” and why go backwards when you fought so hard to make such gains?”

To begin with I had no answer, but then why, as depressives, should we always try and win such battles. Might it not  be better to stand back for a moment, and decide which battles can be won.

It’s weird really, such an approach is recommended throughout so many circles in life, but how often in life are us depressives told that:-

  1. We should go forward one step at a time
  2. Remember the hare and the tortoise
  3. Progress is progress, no matter how small a step it might seem
  4. Never give in to your depression, keep on fighting and you’ll get there in the end

Fine words, and great support from those who mean to help us, but it’s always about going forwards.  No-one ever talks about a two way direction, and I never recall someone saying that it is alright to give ground a little so as too better deal with the war in the end.

So it is that I would say this to anyone suffering from depression

  1. You can’t win all the battles, no matter how hard you try
  2. Going forward is great, but sometimes a tactical withdrawal is better
  3. Such a withdrawal does not automatically signify failure and
  4. Stepping back allows time for reflection, and that gives you the chance to learn

Does such an approach work, no not always, as sometimes the damage may well be so severe as to be beyond your control, but it can work, so why not give it a try? Give yourself a time for a bit of R & R, and allow yourself a bit of T.L.C. Life is tough enough regardles? of your illness, and if you keep on fighting, won’t you be completely knackered by the end

Easter is coming up, and spring is well underway, so why not take  a deep breath and try and look at life differently? After all, if you are depressed already, and you may well think your life is lousy, so what have you really got to lose?

In the meantime I’ve included a video which may prove useful, or at least show that you are not suffering alone

I hope you all have a good Easter




Categories: Dealing with Depression, Dealing with the Blues, Special Projects

Tags: , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. Here here comrade in the faith and the fight. And yes it is a good fight because in the end, we do truly win if we never give up. But be earnest contenders to walk in the light. I’m glad that you touched base on this subject. So much to say but I was just journaling in my diary this morning about the same thoughts and feelings. On the cusp of a break through been endeavoring to complete a series of editing jobs; how I make my bread and butter RE: the student loans are beginning to come due and do pray to keep up my part of the deal by at least hitting up the interest until I’m able to make a dent in the principle amounts.

    I’m saying all of this to say how do you tell your producer, “Hey b.t.w last week please forgive. I had a complete melt down and lapsed into a passive coma state selfish and groggy complete state of rebelliousness and that is why the edit job is not complete yet?”

    Can you relate?

    Yep, and now the plane crash going down and the story behind the pilot whom suffered in silence hiding his illness.

    “Story telling is the new the currency but if one should strive for mastery. Selah.

    Stories studied this week …

    The plane pilot that hid his M.I.

    My F.B. status and why it is so erradic. It must be that damned depression demon again always creeping in when we least expect him and where it or they are not wanted because we could be dealing with legions here.

    On the subject of “D” a type of M.I. and treading softly in these days. I use my own personal exp. in the treading of these waters. Why bcuz the Lord admonishes us to be shwewd as a serpent but harmless as dove. And I pray that my insurance company doesn’t read this post because insurance companies have the right to refuse you coverage if they think that you are slightly off in some type of mental capacity. I took the test and know this too from personal exp. Esp. when we see reports in the news that have to do with air line pilots that hide their mental illness and leaving it up to the speculators to derive a conclusion which can be dangerous.

    The news reports stated that the man pilot had red flags up and throughout his employment with his occupation saying that he may wanted to make a name for himself, etc. Now to me that sounds like a selfish tendency that those whom suffer from mental illnesses can sometime exibit. The critics as well as the mental health officials alike have completely gone from sympathizing him as depressive to a complete psycho path just like that.

    Again exp. speaks, “In caring for a loved one whom suffers from a mental illness.” A series never ending saga it seems more like. I have found that to be true. Like an attention seeking spirit at all cost though. And yes, this spirit is possessive as it can be progressive. Soul seeking and self seeking.

    But woe with that said, for the analysts to speculate such a hypothesis, what an astute observation. Which is why if God has permitted according to our particular cut and vessel that for those of us that are able to still go on in the meager strength that we have; choose to appropriately and responsibly exercise our senses to that degree still holding on to hope; and figuring out through strategies; we have put in place as result of identifying patterns within our self.

    (And) blessed enough with time and have been granted our rightful minds to say, “Hey this is what is happening inside of me so that you understand. I am not trying to be difficult but this is what is really going on inside of me; that something is not right. I need to seek some help. I applaud and encourage you all to keep pressing in even if that means sometimes giving in. It my be in the surrender that we do come through to the light and as long as we keep letting the light shine in the darkness even in our simply saying so. Hey just in being honest and confiding in a trusted soul.

    And I encourage myself even if it means being brutally honest and calling my producer and telling her, Look I’m sorry. Last week I dived, had a heart attack in my mind. Even flaked. And if I’m fired. I know your time and contacts are valuable and the network mostly likely is going to call any moment asking for the finished piece. I am convicted and should have called her last Saturday night when I realized that the time from last Wednesday til then was vitally wasted on my slothful depressive binge. I feel completely awful about it.

    At least please look at my work present it to you as a peace offering. At least, you know that I was not b-s-g when I said yes to the assignment. But i truly have a legitimate reason for falling behind in my work schedule. I’m suffering from the “D”. i shouldn’t expect too much of me nor should anyone else. So I ask for your forgiveness in wearing that mask of deception. But I am seeking help through my weekly therapies and what not.

    Sincerely Jessica Mae Richardson #ladytambourine. Amen.

    P.S. What I’m studying, Depression – There is hope and help

    What is depression? It is a mental illness that affects the mind and the body.

    Depression can cause many symptoms. People who are depressed may:

    Loss interest in activities
    Cut themselves off from others.
    Find little pleasure in life
    feel sad, let down, confused or anxious
    have physical problems, such as aches and pains, fatigue and trouble sleeping

    Most people feel down from time to time. In a natural response to stress and tension.
    But with depression, these feelings are severe or last a log time.
    This means a person has these feelings almost every day for 2 weeks or more.

    Depression is common.

    It affects millions of people each year. Yet, many people do not understand it.

    Depression is often ignored or untreated.
    People may not recognize the symptoms. Or they may be afraid of looking weak, or feel too depressed to get help.

    Everyone involved suffers. If it is not treated, depression can affect all areas of life. This includes work, family and friends.
    But depression can be treated!
    Most people can start to feel better in a few weeks.

    Please Read:Talk to your health care provider! This booklet is not a substitute for the advice of a qualified health-care provider.


    • Hi Jessica

      thanks for the comment, how strange that after a period of silence our thoughts are, in part as one. What you say about trying to tell others about depression and mental illness are both valid and interesting, as are your comments about the selfishness of depression, and the recent air crash. I’m not to sure if you can explain mental illness to non sufferers as it is a different world, but if the likes of you and me (and others) keep on openning up about the subject then maybe something will filter through.

      As regards the selfish nature of mental illness that is undoubtedly true, but then every coin has two sides. Even in the extremis of suicidal depression isn’t the sufferer saying-

      take my pan because I can’t cope,

      while those around him cannot undertsand are, in effect saying, –

      don’t hurt us, you must somehow deal with the pain.

      All too often it is nobodys fault, it’s just one of those things, but regretably it causes so much pain

      As regards the demonisatiuon of the airline pilot, that is so sad, and it shows how far apart the two worlds are. What I don’t understand is how he managed to complete his trainning. It sounds as if his problems were even then self evident, so how ws his trainning allowed to go full term. Am I saying that such an individual should have been barred from the cockpit, well yes and no. If treatment is succesfull then by all means let such an individual fly, but in this instance signs were all around

      Finally would you like the insights from a suicide survivor as regards your study of depression. If you do then I can help you out there, and I’ll give you all the assistance I can. In the meantime keep strong and keep going, voices such as ours need to be heard, and as regards ourselves, well, better out than in


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