Not so Eggcelent Eggs…The end of the world is nigh!


pointless news

I don’t believe it…wer’e doomed I tell ye…were doomed!…hold the front page!

How many readers and bloggers feel that this is the right time to talk about eggs?

We are facing global warming, the rise of extremist groups, world debt, and a whole host of other problems that always seem to plague us but apparently, according to the BBC, and others, a new crisis threatens to overwhelm us all

What am I talking about, yes, you’ve guessed it…EGGS

Not real eggs mind you, but milk chocolate eggs with an intensely sweet gooey white and yellow centre

The U.K and the U.S.A have at times been uneasy neighbours but now it seems war has been declared by slight adjustments made, by the U.S company Kraft, to the recipe for the Cadbury’s Creme Egg.

For those not familiar with the importance of the noble and ancient egg ( first introduced in 1971) this may seem an insignificant matter, a mere storm in an eggcup you might say but woe betide any company, individual, or maybe even country, that interferes with such an article

So what heinous act have Kraft bestowed upon this much loved and much revered bastion of British goo-iness. Why they are using standard Cadbury Dairy Milk rather than Dairy milk, and there are now five eggs in a pack rather than Six

All I can say  show dare they commit such a crime. After all, to quote the oh so great Tony Hancock

“Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain?”

Kellogg Corn flakes, digestive biscuits, HP Sauce, Cadbury Milk Tray, Twinings Earl Grey Tea, they are other national treasures that have received such atrocious treatment, and let’s not forget, Metrication and decimalisation, and of course the Great British sausage debate Yes, that curious named low meat content barrel of God knows what that the British are so proud of, but it seems that all such things pale in comparison, to this most recent of crimes.

Kraft say that

“The fundamentals of the Cadbury Creme Egg remain exactly the same – delicious milk chocolate and the unique creme centre that consumers love”

But egg lovers all over Britain are having none of it

@Kraftfoods, what have you done to the Cadbury Creme Egg!

and

” Cadbury’s eggs are now sold in boxes of 5 rather than 6. And no longer Cadbury Dairy Milk Chocolate. This is serious!”

are but two of the many outraged comments that have been generated by the changes, as well as a dedicated Save The Creme Egg Facebook page, but at least, on the western side of the Atlantic Ocoean Devotees of the egg can rest assured. They will not notice any difference, accorging to the producers as

“Cadburys products in the U.S. are manufactured by Hershey, not Mondelez. According to Hershey spokeswoman Lingeris, Americans just aren’t that into Dairy Milk.”

Well, good for you, I hear millions of UK devotees exclaiming, you eat what you like, but we want dairy milk so this means war

Seriously though, what is all this nonsense, and why, against the backdrop of so many serious news stories, has it hit the front page of a leading UK Broadcaster, as well as such respected sites as the Huffington post? Has the world gone mad, or is this just the silly season?

Sure, it gives satirical humorists like me  a chance to wax lyrically and with gay abandonment (in a anon sexual way mind you!), but even allowing for my disrespect for human stupidity, I rather question what is going on.

Yet, on a lighter side, and with a metaphorical union jack draped across my shoulders ( actually a cat is sitting there!) I must remain true to my country, and defend the rights of my fellow Brit, my long suffering  fellow countrymen, and women, to eat a Dairy milk Six pack UK Cadbury’s Creme Egg. So in honour of all those who are standing firm, and defending this most noble of epicurean delights and delicacies, I say to all of you at Krafts, and all across America!

” Hands off our eggs! Rule Britannia, land of hope and glory, and God Bless our Yorkshire pudding, our chesse rolling contests, and our warm, thin, flat, British bitter beer…..YAAAH”

Oh well folks, that’s enough of this quasi tongue in cheek ranting. I hope you will forgive such frivolity, especially all you UK Cadburys Creme egg lovers, but, for me this has been fun

How shall I leave you on such a momentous day, well how about with a bit of Promenading flimflamery  from the Royal Albert Hall, the stirring words of Sir Winston Churchill, and a few slightly more irreverent words from Tony Hancock on the side.

God Bless the UK  and America, may its “special relationship” never die, and just think what might happen if such news stories were serious news stories after all!

Water found in the Ocean maybe, or the North Pole found to be pretty cold? Blood actually thicker than water possibly, or a tortoise walking down a road! The last one is actually true, and the story found its way onto the BBC, but chin up, stand straight, and to step up to your stations everybody. Gird your loins, ( and yes that is possible)and defend your egg with pride, oh, and have fun!!

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