The marketing department wishes to remind everybody of the importance of specific numbers and sizes. Please can we have no more requests for handfuls, clutches, few’s off, numbers of, or bunches of you- know- what- I- mean’s
This was the somewhat terse and irritable statement marketing sent round the company that I work for, and God bless their little cotton socks, they have my sympathies,as on occasions where accuracy is essential, I know exactly what they mean.
We live in a world where we know a great deal (how ever much that is) about many things (what ever that means), yet when it comes to telling someone else exactly what we want, where we want, and how much we want of the object in question; we are so often incredibly vague
The amazing thing is that, all to often, we still manage to relay a message that the listener understands. Take, for example;e the passage that follows, let us assume that someone goes into a hardware shop to by a box of screws. The conversation may well go something like this
customer: I want a box of whatsits to fix a couple of bits of wood together so I can put things on afterwards for display. They need to be about so long ( an approximate hand to air measurement is given) and the wood is about this thick (similar measurement again). can you help me
Sales assistant: Will you be using a hammer?
Customer: No, I haven’t got one. I need the whatsits that you turn around to go into wood or into a wall. D’you know what I mean
Sales assistant: Of yes, I know what you mean now. I’ve got just the thingamygiibs for you. I reckon a box of 2 inch Johnnies should do you, there or thereabouts anyway, and if you have any problems, just pop back in and we’ll see what we can do
If you reckon this sounds implausible then all I can say is I’ve heard this conversation, or this kind of conversation before, and thew astonishing is that the customer will go away with exactly what her or she needs
How would our life be however if we were told we could not be so unspecific.
Just think about it.
No more what-sits, thingnamy-gibbs, what-do-you-call-it’s, oojamaflips, thingys, or hows-your-fathers.
What if you could no longer ask for a few of those, a handful, of that, or about a pound or kilo of either those- things over- there, or those doodahs that sort of hold up the bits that go onto the wall.
What if “ish-es” were banned, “you-know what I mean-s”, or “there-or thereabouts).
What if, when it comes to giving directions to stranger, we couldn’t direct someone to go “straight round the corner”, up a road that was going down in the direction of travel, or tell them to just keep on going for a “couple of blocks”. Finally what if we weren’t allowed to tell the that “you wont be able to miss it, cos it will be right in front of your nose!”.
So it bis that I have come to conclusion that, in practical terms, we simply have no choice but to carry on using such imprecise terminology, no matter how irritating such phrases may be, and therefore, for sheer fun, here is a “new ” description of what this blog is all about; spoken, I should hasten to add, through the mind and vocal chords of an average teenager; a phenomenon, I suspect, most of us encounter every day
“OMG, this ‘ere blog. Well like, this is blog about words, like, a sort of story blog like, and a sort of place where, like, I , like, kind of put down what I think about life, like. Some things on here sad, like, and some things is happy, like, while other things is really wicked and cool, likew, and they make you think; sorry, fink; about life, like nad what it all means.
OMG this is tough, like, but if you fink of what; sorry wot; youse might want to put in a diary, like well, like, it’s a bit like that really, d’yah know wot I mean?
There’s also some stories, like, some YouTube video’s, and some fings is really serious , like, an’ they kind of stay in your mind. OMG this is tough, like, doing this, but d’you get my drift, like, cos if youse don’t do so, I’ll carry on talking so’se you can understand”
So there you go, a current vernacular description of this blog, as it might be described by a teenager, and yes, before I get screams of protest from a sea of articulate and intelligent teenagers out there, I know this is a generalisation, but rest assured similar statements were made about us oldies when we were your age.
As I said though, I feel we have no choice but to carry on, and if you watch the video below you may well see what I mean.
Rock on Queen I say, but while you are singing along with Freddie Mercury, just keep an eye on the screen
Categories: What if...