It’s long been on my mind, you know, it’s been a long, long time. I’ll try to find the way that I can make you understand the way I feel about you and just how much I need you to be there where I can talk to you when there’s no one else around.
John Denver Follow me
I’m sure many of us have all held such a torch during our lives, and such flames never really die, but I’ve fortunate in some respects, for I have held such a torch, and maybe deep in my heart still do so, I have been lucky enough; or maybe unlucky enough, not to have been burned.
I have had the pleasure of knowing others who have experienced the highs and lows of being lifelong torch bearers, and two particular bearers spring to mind.
One is a bearer whose torch found it’s target, while the other bearer still holds; the torch with no hope of delivery, but as I chanced upon and then listened to the above YouTube of Follow me by John Denver, series of thoughts ran through my mind.
Who was the lucky one, I thought to myself, who had found greater happiness, and which is more rewarding, the anticipation of riches that may come, or the enjoyment of such riches in the hand?
Despite 20 years of happy marriage, I do not have answer, but what I can do is to lay both torch bearers before you, and leave it up to your good selves to decide. No real names mind you, no pack drill, and no clues as to who such people in my life might be, but, without any further delay, let me introduce you to Torch bearer number one
Yes, there she sits, as so many others before her have sat, all alone and gazing out over the water. Now in her thirties she caries a torch for a guy who liked but never loved her, and a guy, who now over in Ireland, has found a love of his own
Yet she still carries the torch, and while she does so no other guy gets a look in, or a chance to shine.
Is she happy in her adoration, yes, it brings her warmth and hope, albeit a faint hope for a final resolution to come; yet she is also lonely.
She has still has the incredibly kind but still deadly “Dear Joan” letter he sent her, as it is the only physical thing she has had from him, and part of her, a sad, a desperately sad part of her, knows that she might never rest in her arms. ”
Get of the shelf”
Her friends tell her
“Get a life, and forget him” they continue
But she can’t do that, she still loves him, and the torch she carries is still well and truly aflame. She is deep in her own thoughts I’ll come back to her later, but let me introduce torch-bearer number 2 .
Another woman by herself, and another stretch of water, but she is “lucky” for her torch has found its natuaral home. She lies with her lover of a nighttime, and she wakes up every morning to see his smile, but she has alsoo learnt that love is a cruel beggar at times.
You see he is a depressive, he lives in a world she cannot enter, and it is a world that he can barely explain. She want’s to help him, she wants to bring him out of his depression when it envelops him, but what’s she to do when there is an enemy that she cannot fight or get hold off, and an enemy which could all too easily take her one true love away.
So it is she still loves him, as she cannot help it, but sometimes, in her isolation, the torch burns her, and her mind, as well as her love is burnt by its flame.
“I hold it true, whate’er befall;I feel it when I sorrow most;’Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”
Alfred Lord Tennyson tells us, but I wonder whether this is true. I admit I’m in no position to make a call on this one, as through trauma after trauma, I’m so hardened to life, that I’m not sure what such intense love means at all, so what do you think upon reading these words before you?
Is it better to love deeply, and suffer the consequences, or is it better to numb such senses and emotions, and thereby lessen the pain. Look at the two pictures just above you. and then you decide.
Maybe the answer to such questions lies in the video below, and maybe it is the answer to so many of our other inner questions and problems.
I only wish I knew how to live and love so deeply, as well as being able to write in such a beautiful vein.
Thank you for listening to this most peculiar of all my ramblings, it’s just a grey old day outside, and these thoughts just popped into my mind. I hope you enjoy the video, both video’s in fact, and I hope you are having a good day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MF5H7l9jEkY