Roll up…Roll up..Get your 50 shades of grey effect book at your local Library


librariesIn have said it before, and I’ll say it again, there is no-one better than the BBC for bringing us some wonderful is comically glorious news. They rarely mean to be comical, and it is certainly not their intention, I assume , to send their readers or listeners into a fit of giggles , or even worse, a joyous howl of laughter, but by God they do so often succeed.

Imagine my joy then when, turning on the news in the morning, I encountered the following headline.

“Libraries see a surge in Erotic Book Borrowing” 

Before I go any further let me slip in a couple of factors. I’ve worked within the library service when I was  a youngster, and since then I have always worked in the front-line public service sector, catering, and retail. This has imbued me with a cracking sense of humour so maybe other service sector workers can see why I was, and am ,still amused

For a start, look at the picture at the head of this post. In the past such a statement was, and maybe even now would be regarded as a perfectly respectable statement, referring, I am sure to world wide travel, but with the surge of erotic book novels,  a new message might be creeping in. Might exotic now mean erotic, and may such distant lands now lie closer to home!

Just think folks, once we had middle aged men in dirty macs furtively looming around round the corner exotic publication shops. Then we had pine sprig whipped Scandinavian H & E magazines(kids, go ask your father), and then of course those naughty magazines on the top shelf of your local newsagent.

Not enough though, for in Library circles it seems that the publications of Mills and Boon, and Barbara Cartland, are now being replaced by shades of grey and other such literature which, if you will pardon the pun on the book title in the report, you will soon be destined to feel!

How are such publications to be administered? Will genteel ladies be offered such material in pain brown paper packaging, and will smelling salts be made available for the more fainthearted? Will selected staff members be trained specifically to deal with such reservations and inquires, and then of course what of prurient and probably excitable schoolboys, and girls, and the ever present brown coated men?

To be quite honest with you I read an extract of the book in question via amazon, and I’ve not had such a good laugh in years. I grant you I’m a man, and, ladies, I accept that maybe us men view such a publication differently. Yet imagine the most vivid of passages within Cold comfort Farm combined with a “hot section” from Mills and Boon and a heavy breathing heroine from the Barbara Cartland stable and, in a dream sequence at the beginning of the book, you are there.

Don’t get me wrong, Hats of to the author, anyone who gets her book read over, or at least borrowed over 11,700 times in 12 months has got my vote as a writer, and I’ll happily admit that although I find the more “lurid” passages hard to read without at the very least smiling, she writes very well, and very fluently, so all I can say is carry on writing and -Well done!

I do find it funny however that such a work has been classified within the Library service as Romance, and that, according to the linked BBC Report,

“One suggestion for the increase is that automated library checkouts might be helping borrowers avoid any embarrassment when taking such books out.”

It’ s wording is sweet, as is the context in which it is written, and it reminds me of a wonderful article in the British Medical Journal which was printed many years ago.

The article referred to the use of ferrets, toothless ferrets, by a certain sector of the community, for what one might call pleasurable activities.

To quote that pillar of medical respectability:

” The ferrets have be toothless so as to avoid internal discomfort and injury”

This was handed to us as lab technicians, and to say the least, it brought us all out in a smile. Then we began laughing as two more observations floated through the air

” Just think; poor …….. ferrets”

Then

” Oh I don’t know, dark, wet, warm and plenty of smells

For the next ten minutes no work could be done, for we were all crying with laughter, and I’m sorry, no further details or explanation why will be given as to why this so, but it seems odd to me how times are a changing, and I look forward, with some eagerness, to the next trend or development to come. I should however point out that during such a “usage”, no harm, to the best of my knowledge, comes to the ferret at all. As regards the recipients of the ferret, well that is their life and their choice, and therefore their concern and not ours!

Oh yes, for those interested in the book series in question please see the following words

““This goes beyond Fifty Shades – way beyond – and the exhilarating cliff-hanger ending bodes well for the sequel, Destined to Feel.”

Laura Vickers, forbookssake.net

Good for you Laura, carry on the good work, and what else can I say but enjoy. Yet while you and other readers of this fine piece of modern literature are doing so just remember a couple of things.

We all have bodies, we all know what they look like, of both sexes, and such ” activities, with various levels of skill and execution have been going on since mammals first crawled out of the slime.

Believe me folks, you can carry on reading such books, and dreaming on for all eternity; and why not do so if it gives you a bit of excitement and fun, but, when push comes to shove, to quote an old expression, there is nothing, but nothing, new under the sun!

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