Why is it, as regards pregnancy, that accidents do happen, and that, once in motion, such a pregnancy becomes just one of those things.
Why is it that the rest of society is left to fund the baby during its prenatal and post natal development, and over the following years to come.
These were the two questions which I found myself asking recently as I listened, somewhat despairingly, to a workplace account of a checkout operator who had brought in her new baby for everyone to see.
“I know he wasn’t planned. She told everyone as a bevy of female admirers gathered around her. “But isn’t he beautiful, and hasn’t he got his fathers eyes”
Certainly he was a baby, and as baby’s go quite attractive, but it alarmed me, as for one absurd moment, I wondered whether such a gift were on loan or had maybe rendered his father sightless, and it depressed me when the two questions I began the post with rapidly swept across my mind.
Why so, because all to often I had heard such words from a new mother, and even more frequently that such questions had crossed my mind.
I must confess that, on one occasion, I actually asked the father of one such baby as to how “our” baby was doing. The father in question was, by any standard that I can think of an unjustifiably cocky little beggar, and he was proudly stating how much he and his partner were receiving in child support and benefit. I listened patiently until he had finished, and then posed my question. He was annoyed, very annoyed, and challenged my alleged linkage with his offspring, but as I explained to him, very calmly, that is was “our ” baby, as through our rates and taxes, we were effectively paying for most of the bills.
He swept out of the canteen and left the company soon after, just as his relationship irrevocably began to fail, but the two fundamental questions at the head of this post stayed with me, and still echo around my head today,.
In both cases, by their own admission, their baby arrived upon a well trodden pair of conceptual lines. In both cases the parties involved were drunk, and, because of their drunkenness, they didn’t take any precautions. In both cases they thought, for no good reason, that they would get away with it, and as usual, they had no real idea, or money, of how to care for the child. So it was a child was born. A child which needed to be supported by both state and grandparents, and a child whose arrival was celebrated, quite soon afterwards, by both parents ” celebrating” the child’s arrival by downing yet more booze.
So perhaps you can see why I once more pose the following questions
- Why, as a society, do we accept such irresponsible behaviour?
- Why do accept so casually that such accidents do happen, and?
- Why is it so often just one of those things?
My wife and I have been married for nigh on 20 years now, and it is only now that, by good fortune, we find ourselves soon going on our true honeymoon. We had a short official honeymoon when we got married, but money was short, so it was very simple, and we soon knuckled down for a very enjoyable if, up until recently, a slightly prudent ride. We are lucky, as we have never had a row within the marriage, but one question that came early in the marriage was that of children.
What were were going to do about children, we asked ourselves. We looked ahead as regards finances, we looked at our own medical history, and thereby out potential suitability as parents; and finally, we assessed our inner ability to successfully raise a child. At the end of such an evaluation, we decided, regrettably, that we would probably not have the skills or the finance to take on such an undertaking, and so it is that children have not come our way.
Some readers might say that
- our approach was hard-hearted and mercenary.
- Others might say that we were trying to run the marriage as if it was a business,
- other voices might say that, when it comes to looking after children, love always finds a way, and finally
- If we didn’t beget more children, where would we be then?
but my response to all three would be as follows
- If you haven’t got the money don’t spend it, if you know you have medical preconditions be aware of it, and if you are going to be irresponsible don’t have a child
- Marriage, or any relationship, IS a business. Flowers and champagne are all very nice, when or if you can afford it, but unless you build strong foundations nothing can survive
- love can find a way, but it can also lead to broken homes and mental and/or physical bankruptcy
- a lower risk of overpopulation maybe, but don’t worry, somewhere on this planet, there is always anew child being born.
So there you have it, my views on accidental pregnancy, and I do not apologise for one moment for holding such views. Relationships, of whatever shape or form they consist of are, in my view, a business, and children, as a byproduct of such relationships are a considerable life long drain. No business that I know of is run on accidental occurrences, and if such incidents do happen, then they are certainly not viewed as one of those things
They are just my views though, and I’m no expert, so I’d be delighted to hear from you if you have any views
Just like my last post though I am determined to end this post in an upbeat style, despite all if my previously stated reservations. I invite all readers to play the video clip below. It is called is called shifting Focus, and it was part of a dissertation on women’s accounts of hope during unplanned pregnancy.
To all you mums and dads out there who are scared of what lies ahead before you, I wish you well, and I’ll tell you this right now. It’s rough, it’s tough, and you’ll have to get used to having very little sleep and even less free time or money, but there is no greater love than the unconditional love that comes out of a new born baby’s eyes. Enjoy.