Attention all Wrinkles-Go grab a Snail!

Hey man….I love you…let’s get mucoidal …let’s go MAKE SOME SLIME!

Sometimes a bit of news rushes onto our screens that simply begs for attention, at other times news creeps in under the radar as unwilling as a child going to school. What is unusual however is news rushing in at snails pace, yet joy of all joys, or tragedy of all tragedies, depending on how you view it, that is exactly what is happening now

What am I talking about, quite simply snail gel, a magnificent new discovery and facial skin treatment, which, as I type, is rushing of the shelves of your nearest health food shop, or health and beauty section in your local supermarket. Available in 50 ml bottles at the incredibly cheap discount price of £19.99 or $32, or as  a £50 0r $82 salon treatment  this fantastic new product, with at least one celebrity, or semi celebrity endorsement by will wipe years of you, and will forever, or as long as the snails last out, enhance your skin.

Well that’s what the producers and say but before all of us go out to but this miraculous product maybe we should just think about what the product is, and what message the users will send out into the world. We are talking snail mucus here, as part of the product anyway, snail mucus, or to you and me snail slime. By it in a pot or have as snails crawl across your forehead, the choice is yours, but we are we so desperate and insecure a species that we have to keep our years at bay?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m think of going in for a bit of home production here as I have an overabundance of snails and slugs in my back garden, as can be seen by half, or more, chewed beds of triffids and cabbages, but why in whoever’s or whatever’s name are sales multiplying of such a product, and why can’t we accept the fart that all of us will eventually grow old.

Grow old disgracefully folks, that’s my philosophy, and grow old naturally. Forget the gels, forget the toupees and forget the botox jabs and other unnatural insertions or applications. Snails and slugs will crawl over all of us at some point, as well as earthworms and heavens knows what other creepy crawlies or slimy slitherers, so let’s stop wasting time and money on trying to hold back time.

Call me stupid or a grumpy old git if you wish to, and yes I am aged 50+, but when there is still  poverty, appalling working conditions, severe and unnecessary malnutrition, untreated treatable diseases, and catastrophic environmental damage (by us mostly), my blood boils when I hear of such stupidity, vanity, and insecurity going around.

Maybe though it is time for us to smother ourselves in snail slime and mucus, maybe it is nature reminding us of how low we have stooped to the ground!

P.s on a lighter note I asked a sales assistant in a health food shop what he thought about his shops latest product. He shuffled awkwardly, looked around carefully, and then he smiled.

“I think it’s absolutely B……..Y stupid” he told me, “but if some idiot wants to pay £20-£50 to use it, it’s their face, not mine!”

Quite understandably, the name of the employee and the name of the company he works for , a european based firm I believe, will be forever hidden, but  hope that he “had a good day”!.

Also have fun with the poll below


Categories: Growing pains, Just a thought, What if...

Tags: , , , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. Couldn’t agree more! And not only beauty products, but people dedicate their lives to fulfilling this useless vanity by wanting as many objects as possible, as if objects make them any better. I’ve known people who only talked about jewelry and clothes and what they are going to wear tomorrow or what x or y was wearing, which really saddens me. I wish more people could see they are wasting their time on such ephemeral trifles…
    Great post!


    • Thank you for your comment.

      It is sad that we, as a species, seem to be so mesmerized by such inconsequential nonsense, but regrettably I don’t think that such a fascination will ever end. It seems that, like a fault in the earth’s crust that produces a earthquake, we know it’s there, we know deep down how much time we waste on “things”, but we cannot “cure” our desires, and we cannot deal with the consequences when we are faced with an enormous surge; e.g Christmas and other such hotspots.

      Maybe we will never learn, after all body adornments,body painting, and the acquisition of things goes back to when we were first around albeit now we are surrounded by far more temptations

      Ironically though if we didn’t have such “things”, there would be no computers, ipads, and phones, so this conversation would probably never had occurred.

      Quis custodiet ipsos custodes” or who guards the guards themselves,

      a small voice in my head reprimands me. Perhaps, in a way, all of us are just as guilty. On that sobering thought, I’ll go, but I ‘ll be going down to me toaster and coffee maker, and then I’ll watch the news on tv….oh dear hmmmmmmm!


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