Sometimes a bit of news rushes onto our screens that simply begs for attention, at other times news creeps in under the radar as unwilling as a child going to school. What is unusual however is news rushing in at snails pace, yet joy of all joys, or tragedy of all tragedies, depending on how you view it, that is exactly what is happening now
What am I talking about, quite simply snail gel, a magnificent new discovery and facial skin treatment, which, as I type, is rushing of the shelves of your nearest health food shop, or health and beauty section in your local supermarket. Available in 50 ml bottles at the incredibly cheap discount price of £19.99 or $32, or as a £50 0r $82 salon treatment this fantastic new product, with at least one celebrity, or semi celebrity endorsement by will wipe years of you, and will forever, or as long as the snails last out, enhance your skin.
Well that’s what the producers and say but before all of us go out to but this miraculous product maybe we should just think about what the product is, and what message the users will send out into the world. We are talking snail mucus here, as part of the product anyway, snail mucus, or to you and me snail slime. By it in a pot or have as snails crawl across your forehead, the choice is yours, but we are we so desperate and insecure a species that we have to keep our years at bay?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m think of going in for a bit of home production here as I have an overabundance of snails and slugs in my back garden, as can be seen by half, or more, chewed beds of triffids and cabbages, but why in whoever’s or whatever’s name are sales multiplying of such a product, and why can’t we accept the fart that all of us will eventually grow old.
Grow old disgracefully folks, that’s my philosophy, and grow old naturally. Forget the gels, forget the toupees and forget the botox jabs and other unnatural insertions or applications. Snails and slugs will crawl over all of us at some point, as well as earthworms and heavens knows what other creepy crawlies or slimy slitherers, so let’s stop wasting time and money on trying to hold back time.
Call me stupid or a grumpy old git if you wish to, and yes I am aged 50+, but when there is still poverty, appalling working conditions, severe and unnecessary malnutrition, untreated treatable diseases, and catastrophic environmental damage (by us mostly), my blood boils when I hear of such stupidity, vanity, and insecurity going around.
Maybe though it is time for us to smother ourselves in snail slime and mucus, maybe it is nature reminding us of how low we have stooped to the ground!
P.s on a lighter note I asked a sales assistant in a health food shop what he thought about his shops latest product. He shuffled awkwardly, looked around carefully, and then he smiled.
“I think it’s absolutely B……..Y stupid” he told me, “but if some idiot wants to pay £20-£50 to use it, it’s their face, not mine!”
Quite understandably, the name of the employee and the name of the company he works for , a european based firm I believe, will be forever hidden, but hope that he “had a good day”!.
Also have fun with the poll below
- For Beauty: Giant African Land Snails On Your Face (geekologie.com)
- 13 Sadistic Women’s Beauty Treatments Straight Out Of A Horror Movie (huffingtonpost.com)
- Monique Keiran: Spas hope snail slime is fountain of youth (timescolonist.com)
- Mmmm…Relaxing Snail Facial Massage (neatorama.com)
- The Cutest Snails on Earth (pinkbananamilk.wordpress.com)