Be Happy, don’t be scared-WOOF WOOF

Youz'e wanna bit of ma tail- GRRRRRRR!

Youz’e wanna bit of ma tail- GRRRRRRR!

How much is that doggie in the window (arf, arf)
The one with the waggley tail
How much is that doggie in the window (arf, arf)
I do hope that doggie’s for sale


I read in the papers there are robbers (roof, roof)
With flashlights that shine in the dark
My love needs a doggie to protect him
And scare them away with one bark


Or should the proper response be a right centred tail wag and  a joyous WOOF WOOF!!

Now please, all you canine lovers and animal behaviorists, don’t take offence here, but I hope that you accept that this latest research, from the University of Trento, has caused many of us bloggers and non animal behaviourists to have a bit of a giggle and a smile!

We all thought that dogs simply wagged their tails out of:_

  1. Excitement that something good was coming their way
  2. Excitement that something really good, i.e  a friend or partner, might be coming their way
  3. Or simply because there backsides needed cooling, or they had nothing better to do

Now we really know the reason why, and what an exciting world opens up before us.

After all, should this research be accurate, what about a question of

  1. frequency
  2. uplift,
  3. down drop and finally
  4. degree

For us humans tail wagging communication, or “appendage communication” is either tricky, or, outside of sign language, Potentially fraught with dangers of prosecution, or downright ludicrous. Our tail is “vestigial” and if we were to giggle or wag certain bits of our anatomy in public, then certain difficulties might arise, (no pun or innuendo intended) but in the case of our canine brethren it is liberty hall as regards left or right “tail -handed”asymmetric behaviour. If we are dog owners we have co-exist and communicate with them, so what if we were to extend this research and hypotheses a little further, what might we learn

Ladies and Gentlemen, doggies around the world, fellow bloggers, animal behaviourists, dog lovers, and to all and sundry. Through exhaustive research, complex observation, and extrapolation (about 15 mins actually-I’m a poor typist), may I present an graded guide as to what your dog or stray mutt is maybe trying to say


Tail wagging behaviour Interpretation
Right asymmetric  -tail vertical Whey hey Baby—come to Papa!
Right asymmetric -90 ̊deg arc I think it’s playtime
Right asymmetric -180 ̊deg arc It’s playtime
Right asymmetric-270 ̊deg arc It’s playtime, and I’ve dropped  a whoppsie and a scent marker
Right asymmetric-360 ̊deg arc It’s all of the above, he or she is hot and coming towards me
Left asymmetric 90 ̊deg arc Oh God my mistress  has thrown my ball in the pond
Left asymmetric -180 ̊deg arc Oh not again
Left asymmetric -270 ̊deg arc Oops, she’s found the whoopsie
Left asymmetric -360 ̊deg arc She’s trodden in the whoopsie and said veterinary surgeon
Down and between the legs Hands off lady—they’re mine!
Everywhere, every how, all the time Hey Man…hold the purple elephants !!!
Nothing ZZzzzzzzzzzz—-pssssh—ZZzzzzzzzzzzzz
None of the above but somewhere in between See God…..e=mc2….see your dog
*All researchers please note:- All the above conclusions are based on blue sky thinking, extensive navel gazing, and the researching scientist having a taste for the ludicrous, a wicked sense of humour and maybe too much time and/or money on his hands!
We are facing global warming, food shortages, fuel shortages, rising sea levels and over population, so here a  bunch of scientists discussing dogs and how they wag, and perceive the wagging of other dogs tails.
Anyone see  a problem here?

Categories: What if...

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